I have been having dreams a lot more often lately. I'm not sure what that means. I generally don't dream a whole lot - or at least I don't remember the dreams after I wake up. I had 2 crazy dreams last night. I don't remember a lot about the dreams, but I remember 2 distinct parts. I assume they were 2 different dreams because they don't remotely go together - but who knows.
The first dream I only remember that I kept changing my clothes (which actually happened last night before the gym). I looked in the mirror and had a flat stomach. I can't remember a time in my life where I had a flat stomach. It wasn't super pretty still - but it was basically flat. There was still a little bump - but hey - Dave had a little bump too and he was super skinny. I didn't have any abs - but in my mind they would come if my stomach was that flat ;)
The second dream was very strange. A whole bunch of my family (Dave's family and mine) were sitting in a room. It seemed like a house I was working on - but wasn't any of the houses I'm currently working on. My MIL was mad about her Kingdom Hall and decided to leave it. She decided that they weren't doing the right things and decided to try a place that was called an Open Church (it was a church without any ties to anything - just something for everyone). This was just so crazy and I was so excited.
Oh how I wish dreams could come true!! These would both be so amazing. Neither will happen - I'm fairly certain of that.
I have to say that I have been feeling better lately. I'm still a cow - but I feel better. My clothes fit better - but I'll be so happy when I can fit in smaller clothes and still feel better. I don't look in the mirror and want to punch it anymore. I guess those are good strides. I don't know that I'll ever be truly happy again - that will never happen if I don't have someone other than weebly to talk to. For now - it is all I have....and I'm just dealing with it.
I know some people might say that I could talk to them - but I truly can't. People just don't get how much I'm doing and how much I'm trying. They don't get doing everything pretty much 100% on your own. It takes all I have to ask my BIL to let Keagan spend the night when I really have nobody to watch him so I can work out. I've done it twice in 3 months and it just really bothers me that I had to ask. Having grieving children on top of my grief is unbelievably hard. I truly want to get Keagan in a sport - everyone is telling me that. I just don't know how I can fit it in - I truly don't....not without giving up my working out - which is why I'm doing better. I'm not willing to give that up right now....at least not until I see some results. Then I won't want to give it up because I will want more results. I'm convinced I'll see some results at some point....and hopefully soon!
I am a wife and mother of 2. I have many different interests - baking, home renovations, music, education ;)