Last year, of course, was the worst year of my life. This year has been very difficult though. Things certainly don't seem to be getting any easier....just harder. I certainly cry far less than I did last year, but we'll attribute much of that to the antidepressants that I'm on. I think we'll attribute the rest to just exhaustion. I'm too tired to cry. I'm too exhausted to do almost anything really. I've definitely become really good at going through the motions. I have far less patience and I really hate that. I've always been a very patient person (unless we count driving - and then I've never been patient).
Things are really really hard. I keep thinking that I should be good at this by now - I should be able to handle it. I'm not though - I suck at it all. Things are just never going as I had planned and my kids aren't being parented the way that they should be.
I know that I'm supposed to trust that God will get me through this - but I don't see him sending anyone here to help me. That is what is so frustrating. I guess I should be happy that he hasn't sent any snow - that definitely adds to the difficulty for me.
I am looking forward to some down time. I am working just today and tomorrow and then I have the next 10 days off. I have some Christmas festivities in there - but the rest of the time I will be working on both of my houses and hopefully taking the kids somewhere. With their attitudes lately though - not sure if that is going to happen.
Very soon I'll be 38 and I would just like to crawl in to a hole for the next year. Too bad I can't do that - or wouldn't do that. I love Malea's philosophy - she wants to just fast forward our lives 5 years and we'll be so much better off. That would be so nice! Somehow I hope I'll have it figured out by then - but it will be Malea's senior year and I imagine that will be a very difficult year for me. Time certainly does fly - but the last 2 years have been very slow for me - stuck in quick sand feeling like I'm never going to claw my way out.
How I hope this next year I can find some way to be a little more positive.
I am a wife and mother of 2. I have many different interests - baking, home renovations, music, education ;)