I received my first Christmas card today. I don't get near as many as I used to - but it made me think. This card I received is from someone that has made promises to my kids and never followed through. I feel like them sending out a card is them doing their good deed of the year. I really appreciate the cards I get from people that I used to know really well, but don't see anymore because I moved so far away. I love that they have still thought of me over the years. It is the local ones I have a hard time with - if you are just sending me a pity card - I don't want it.
I hate this feeling I have - I'm really angry about some of the people that said they would be there for me. I really didn't think they ever would. People never really mean that they'll be there for you. I never say it to people unless I really mean it. I know if they live far away or I rarely see them - then I probably won't follow through with an offer - so I just say I'm praying for them. I can do that.
Everytime I see someone mention that they'll be there for someone - I want to laugh. I know that they are just saying that. Do people really think about what they say? Why offer when you don't really mean it? I understand if you really meant it at the time and then something happens and you can no longer follow through with it - I get that life happens. It doesn't happen to pretty much everyone you know though.
I know that I'm one of the least approachable people around. I am fairly independent. I didn't used to be that way. Growing up I probably was, but then I got married. I became very dependent on Dave. I pushed him to do stuff together and around our house. I grew up not hiring people to do things and wanted to save money and do the same for ourselves. I never understood why my Dad didn't wait for people to help him more. I know now that when you want to do something - you don't want to have to find people to follow through with their offers to help you. You feel bad asking and you don't want to hear excuses of why people can't help you. My Dad was always the first one to offer to help people out - but I really didn't see a lot of that come back to him. There were a few - but not near as many as those he helped. He was never one to ask for help - and I guess I take after him in many ways. He keeps to himself for the most part and is a pretty quiet person. When he talks you generally listen. You have to listen carefully because he really like to tell you things that aren't true....it took me a long time to realize he did this. I used to think everything he told me was the truth....but he can really elaborate on a story ;) Most of the time he stretches it pretty far though - so you realize that he's joking.
For those reading this....I just want you to think of someone that you could reach out to. Have you told someone that you'd be there for them....have you really been there? Have you checked on them and asked them how they are doing? I know people ask that every day - but if you ask someone and really mean it - wow does that mean the world. Expect them to not say that things are going well - those of us that have to be strong all the time rarely tell people how we are really doing. We go along pretending every day that we are ok - so many times we are lying to ourselves so much that we just say we are fine 99% of the time. I've even lied and said I'm good on occasion....as people got tired of me saying I was ok :( I'm rarely good....I'm barely ok....very few people really care. At least I'm not crying in my pillow every day....that is a step forward I suppose.
I really need to get in a better holiday spirit. I keep trying....I have a couple presents I need to buy tomorrow for our adopted family at work. I have a few more presents to buy for our family as well. Since we do Secret Santa gifts - the gift buying has become a little easier but more thoughtless. I need to be more thoughtful throughout the year for birthdays - hopefully this year I'll get more on time.
I am a wife and mother of 2. I have many different interests - baking, home renovations, music, education ;)