Parenting a teenager is hard. It took a lot of time and effort to parent a baby - especially because I didn't always know what was needed. I thought I did a fairly good job though. My kids were well loved and cared for and got plenty of attention. Dave and I fought over them constantly - as to who got to hold them or take them somewhere or whatever.
Malea has been such a struggle. She has such potential - but it seems like her one goal in life is to just make my life miserable. I am not sure if she means to do that - but it certainly feels like that. She seems to go out of her way to make everything so much harder. I know parenting was likely never supposed to be easy. However - it was meant for 2 people. It helped with 2 people - we could take turns dealing with things or we could at least talk to each other about what was so hard and come up with a plan. I have no clue what kind of plan that Dave would have now for all of these issues - but I know they wouldn't be this hard. He was such a good Dad - I never had to ask him to do much - he would just volunteer to hold them, change them, watch them while I did something. He just was awesome. He was almost always able to get through to Malea. I think she was more worried about disappointing him than anything. Maybe I get disappointed too easily and am impossible to please? Maybe that is my problem?
I went in to school with Malea today to talk to the counselor. Every morning is a struggle. Today Malea was throwing up. It has become a pattern for many Mondays - especially those after a break. I no longer care that she throws up - I really don't think it is a virus. It is something to do with her - it is anxiety or something. Mornings have never gone well - but they have been increasingly worse since returning after Christmas break.
I'm so tired of fighting. I don't want to be this person that yells and cries all the time. Then I get frustrated and feel like I'm being too selfish - wanting some extra help around the house. I feel like that is acceptable. I had a very large load of work as a kid and I still did my chores. I know I shouldn't compare my kids to me - I just don't know how else to look at it. I was certainly a procrastinator - but I never would have missed so much school or school work. I know though that people pleasing is such a fault of mine - which also allowed me to excel at school. It is just difficult to know what the best way is. I know that it isn't what I've been doing - that obviously isn't working.
I do know though - that there isn't much more I can do. It is all in her hands and that is so hard. I feel like she's never going to want to do anything. How do you motivate someone to just live - and not want to just sleep or escape all the time.
I told the counselor today that I'm not capable of picking her up and taking her down the stairs. Maybe I should get a 1 story house and then it might be an option to do that - I could get a dolly and push her at least.
We have our therapy tonight - but I don't feel like that gets us anywhere. She has also told Malea that she needs to make herself do things.
I feel like I'm trying - but it isn't apparent to anyone but me. I suppose that I'm not trying hard enough. I Just need to learn to not need so much sleep - that might solve my problems....however that isn't healthy and I know I'll never lose weight if I don't sleep enough.
Please just pray - anyone that is willing that I can get through this and am able to come out on the other side. I certainly pray that parenting a teenage boy isn't going to be quite this hard!
I am a wife and mother of 2. I have many different interests - baking, home renovations, music, education ;)