For as long as I can remember - I've had a very low opinion of myself. If I think about it - I have some great qualities, but I can't seem to think that those great ones overpower or outweigh all the bad qualities.
I was always smart in school - especially in elementary. I was definitely one of the top kids almost every year. My first B was in 5th grade and I cried for hours!! Middle school showed me that I wasn't the smartest anymore since 4 schools came together and each had their own smart people as well. I still did fine - but was more in the top 1/4 of the school than the top 10 probably. High school was pretty much the same way - always someone smarter. I was a pretty awesome flute player though....I really am overly confident with my music :)
Besides band and academics I really didn't have anything else. I couldn't sing, couldn't do any physical activity very well (other than riding my bike) and I certainly wasn't the most popular by any means. I also was never the skinniest kid around.
I'm trying to work on it - but I don't know how to get out of this mentality. Keagan will say - "You are the best Mom ever" and all I think of is all the ways I've screwed up that day or week. I get "You Rock" at work all the time - but what I did in those cases wasn't very hard or spectacular.
I'm kicking my own butt at CrossFit - but I still think I could be pushing myself more. I am still the slowest person in almost every class. I'm trying to improve just from my past classes - but it is still always there in my face that I'm the slowest. I don't mind being the one that lifts the least - I have no plans to become a body builder or anything. It likely will help with me moving so that I can lift way more than I ever could. I'm always running in to situations where I can't lift something and my kids just aren't capable of helping me. Hopefully I'll get to where I can just do it myself and may just need to find help with my bedroom furniture, my long couch and my piano. I don't think anyone could do those things alone.
I keep taking on more things - hoping that will impress people I guess. I get too busy and have little time for everything. If I push myself in May - I think that some of the things will be all set and I can get rid of a few things that are weighing me down.
The longer Dave has been gone - the harder I am on myself I think. I just constantly am reminded how much I have to do and how hard it is to manage everything all by myself.
My kids are finally starting to help a little more - with me still nagging them every 5 minutes. It just take them like 10 times as long to do something than it would take me, plus it slows me down always having to make sure they are doing what they are supposed to.
I am a wife and mother of 2. I have many different interests - baking, home renovations, music, education ;)