For some reason - I keep having these things pop up about how you need to value yourself before you will get anywhere in life. It is strange how they keep popping up. I've seen them sporadically over time - but now I get them in various emails and just more people post about these types of things.
I'm taking it as kind of a sign. However - I don't know how to improve my self worth. I've thought for pretty much as long as I can remember that I'm pretty much worthless. I've always defined my worth by what I contribute to something or how well I did in school. I was never the top - always somewhere in the middle. I was never at the bottom - but always felt that was where I most likely belonged.
These days - I feel like I'm the last person that anyone would talk to. I know this isn't far from fact and is really hard to try to feel better about myself when I'm the only one that seems to notice that I exist. I know I have to stop saying these things out loud. Malea noticed that I'm not nice to myself and is worried that I'm going to leave her. I would never do that - I know how much they need me. They are my whole reason for existing. I was trying to make her feel better. Even though her attitude sucks sometimes - I know that there are so many people that care about her. She said that she wishes people would just leave her alone and not take to her. I was trying to explain this to her that I would be so happy if I was bombarded with people that wanted to talk to me - wanted to know how I was doing. I was trying to show her how much she means to so many people. I know she knows this - but she thinks everyone is just fake and asking her because I tell them to or something.
This is such a hard life and I don't know why I was chosen to live this sucky life. I guess I've learned to manage most things now - though it is still very difficult to accomplish everything that I should be accomplishing. I really suck at so many things! It would be so much easier if I could eliminate some driving - that is for sure - I'd have so much more time that way.
I really want to instill in my kids that they are worth more than anything - I'm just not sure how I can do that when I feel like such a piece of garbage. I don't know how to not feel this way. I can certainly pretend to be arrogant - I'm good at that. However - I don't really believe any of what I say.
I try not to be negative - and I somewhat succeed at that - I'm not positive by any means though. I'm just neutral and that is boring to most people. Overly bubbly people annoy me and I just hate being fake. I think I need to learn how to pretend better.....I was never good at imaginary play!
I am a wife and mother of 2. I have many different interests - baking, home renovations, music, education ;)