I've been feeling like the worst parent ever lately with how things have gone with my kids. I really thought I was doing my best, but my best just wasn't good enough. I give everything I am to my kids - I really do. I put them before everything. They may think sometimes that I put my other house first - but it is all for them. I'm trying to make it so I can be there for them even more.
I don't really think I'm a bad parent - but I certainly have missed some key things that I should have addressed sooner. I really thought Malea had a break through and was finally doing better. I was so wrong - I don't know if she had finally fooled me as she was trying to do that - or if she just was guilty about starting to get better and regressed. These last 2 weeks have been really awful and I have been living in fear that I'm losing my daughter forever.
After talking with her therapist last night I did finally feel a little better that I'm not completely at fault here. I do think that I waited too long thinking she'd get through this without any outside medicine. I didn't want to put her on something with as young as she is. She can't keep going the way she is though. I had started talking to her about this possibility a couple of weeks ago and she just said it wouldn't work. Medicine isn't going to help because it isn't fixable. I totally get that - I agree. The medicine isn't going to take away the pain - but it will lessen how much it affects you. It will help you function and relieve some of the extreme stress.
I really hope that the Dr. today listens and agrees with me and the therapist about this.
I've been so focused on Malea that I think I let Keagan get away with too much. He's been very angry and mouthy lately. I've been putting the brakes on how he's talking to me - but he still seems to be doing it on a daily basis. I think he's picking up on much of Malea's mood and how I don't correct her as much since I'm afraid to cause more pain than she's already in. I've been very worried about being the cause of her possibly hurting herself. She hasn't done that - but I still worry about pushing her to that point.
I so love my kids and really wish I could help them more. It is so different to lose a parent than a husband - so I can't completely relate to them - but I do understand their pain. I just wish I could do something more.
I am a wife and mother of 2. I have many different interests - baking, home renovations, music, education ;)