I am really struggling with the fact that my kids only have one parent. There are so many people out there that say - I was raised by a single parent and I turned out fine. Dave was raised by a single parent and he was fine too. However - I don't know anyone as an adult that was raised by a widowed parent. It is not the same as a single parent. There are usually also 2 different types of average single parents. There are those who were once happily married and it just didn't work out. Some still have the 2 parents parenting the child - just separately and others where one parent chooses not to be in the child's life anymore. Then there are the other single parents that have never had the support from the other parent and have always parented the child alone.
Some of these kids are not fine - and some are. I guess it is hard to know what kids will do and how they will react to things.
I had everything - the other parent who supported me through everything - told me when I was being stupid and irrational. Now I'm just the not sensible me that can't think straight when I'm really upset. My kids now have nobody to go to when they are mad at me - they don't even really have each other and won't for a long time. They are so far apart in ages and are just completely different types of people. There are so many times I remember as a kid going to my Dad when my Mom just didn't get what I was trying to say. I've been the sounding board many times for my siblings when they have any type of issue.
I have many people that love my kids - but not many that would ever say anything to me - and I'm not really sure if either one of my kids would ever seek someone else out to talk to. Malea is more the type to just let things fester and just be mad. She'll just not talk to anyone (like me) when she's upset. She also won't apologize if she caused you any pain. Keagan is the lover - if he upsets you - he tries to overly comfort you. If you upset him - he pretty much tells you...or makes you feel worse than you should. I would say Malea is much more like me (with her Dad's temper) and Keagan is like Dave (but with my temper). The are both incredibly stubborn - which they get from all sides. I generally give in to everything - if people upset me - I always take the blame as if it is my fault. I won't continue to argue if I'm being attacked. I don't stand up for myself at all. I think both of my kids do stand up for themselves for the most part - I tried to teach them that - they just won't learn from me by doing :(
I so fear that they will grow up and hate me - and feel like the wrong parent died.
I am so trying to do everything to show them that I'm here for them and I'm really sorry this is the life they were dealt. There are some people that want me to be positive and I'm really trying to be positive that we can still have a decent life. I do know that I'm not incompetent and can provide for my kids. I will not be happy about this life though - I will never be happy that my life has been completely ripped out from under me and I'm pretty much drowning with just a few trips up for air.
I'm not trying to bash other single parents - or those that were raised by single parents, and I hope I didn't offend anyone. It is just different - and I feel like it is comparing apples to oranges. We definitely have some of the same struggles - I agree with that. For some reason though - single parents that were either divorced, never together or whatever certainly seem to get a lot more help and have a better outlook I guess.
I almost think widowhood is like a disease....it isn't contagious - but people certainly act like it is. I'm already broken - but many certainly like to continue to smash the pieces.
I also suck at thanking the people that have been there for me. I always try to say thank you in other ways. I'm sorry to those that I haven't said thank you to.
I am a wife and mother of 2. I have many different interests - baking, home renovations, music, education ;)