We had our grief group meeting last night. The kids really enjoy going and never complain about it coming up. Keagan frequently asks if it is Journey's night. Malea doesn't, but does not complain about going. Some other parents there say that kids complain about going, but I don't have that issue at least. Every few times we go, the kids make some sort of project. Last night they made Luminaries (I think that was what they are called) - basically jars that they decorated and you can put a candle in. In Malea's group, they had a ceremony. I could tell Malea had been crying. Keagan said they didn't do that in his group - I think they don't get as serious in his group.
In the adult group we talked about grieving kids and how to help. I just feel like I suck as a parent. One was to look at grief from their point of view and try to help them. I keep trying to help, but I can't turn off my own grief. I'm an overly emotional person to begin with. I think my kids see this as a weakness - probably everyone else does as well. I don't know how to fix that.
I got so angry yesterday because I wanted to take back that stupid yard vacuum I bought. I can't get it in my car though :( I got it out because it was in the box - but I can't get it back in. I tried to get Malea to help me, but she really has like 0 strength and I just got mad at her for not trying. Things like this are so frustrating for me. I can do so much on my own, but I can't take back this stupid thing, because it is too heavy for me to lift :( This makes me feel bad too because I get so mad and it really isn't her fault. I did at least apologize. I might invest in some sort of ramp so I can get heavy things up higher.
I have been trying to find old videos that might have Dave in them - or at least his voice. It dawned on me that we had some old phones that might have the memory cards in them. Dave's current phone did not have too many videos on it. His old phone had the memory card and had 28 videos on it. Only one has him in it just a little, but most all of them have his voice at least. I watched them all right before bed last night. I'll be showing them to the kids soon - Keagan is really little in most of them - so it is so fun to watch.
Of course watching these videos made me smile and think of all the fun we had and how he loved to take videos of his kids and interact with them. It also made me sad - thinking we will likely never be that happy again :( I know I'm supposed to believe there is a plan, but the future doesn't look so good to me right now.
I am a wife and mother of 2. I have many different interests - baking, home renovations, music, education ;)