I've come to realize I'm one of the least fun people that I know. I don't know how to be one of those people that everyone says - Hey - let's invite her because she makes everything fun. It is probably more like - we should probably invite her - her kids should come, or something along those lines. It sucks that I've become a hermit of sorts. Many people become home bodies because they just prefer to be home. I'm an introvert - so I do like to stay home. I also really enjoy going out and people watching. I'm just not much of a conversationalist. I don't know what to say, I don't speak very loudly and when I do talk - it just doesn't seem that people find me interesting.
This isn't a new thing - it has been going on my whole life. I just somehow managed to fit in to small groups here and there for the first 18 years of my life. I think part of it is the overly responsible side of me. I just can't let loose for fear that I'll still get in trouble. I'm 37 and still fear that I'll get in trouble....how silly is that? I really really care what people think of me. I guess that is probably the major issue. I guess I don't care that people don't think I'm fun....at least they don't think I'm irresponsible or question how I'll react.
The reaction lately has become a problem though. I tend to come off very cold and defensive. I don't mean to...it is just how it comes out. I do hold my projects very dear to me - especially ones that I've been working on for a while. When people question things - I automatically get defensive. I don't feel like I'm being defensive - but it always comes off that way. I guess I am trying to defend my cause, but I don't want to sound like I'm not listening to advice or opposing viewpoints.
I wish I knew how to be more fun. Fun, to me, just isn't fun to everyone else. I prefer remodeling houses, playing board games and working on my budget (seriously - so fun for me). Those things just aren't fun to a lot of people. Being responsible and boring can get you where you want sometimes to be successful - but it doesn't get you very far in the likability area. I used to feel that I was very successful - but not so much there anymore. I can't seem to find anything I'd be able to do, other than what I currently do and sell myself. I tried to be confident in an interview and I'm pretty sure I just sounded conceited and didn't get a call back :( Grr....I can't win. The future is grim and I wish I could hope for more than just the next month :(
I am a wife and mother of 2. I have many different interests - baking, home renovations, music, education ;)