I never would have thought that at 36 I would still be thinking about this.
I never quite fit in as a kid anywhere. In elementary school I was a bookworm, an introvert and loved school. This didn't gain me many friends as they just thought I was odd. I didn't seem to care much then though. I guess I dressed kind of strange as well - but I didn't have any enemies that I was aware of - so I guess that was a plus.
Middle School was tough - as it is for pretty much everyone. 6th grade was probably the most lonely year for me. I actually got made fun of a lot this year. I was in band though - which is what brought me some really good friends in 7th grade that lasted through high school.
High School wasn't too bad - there were some tough months - but overall I really loved high school and the friends I had while there.
Looking back I think some of my not fitting in fell in line with things I had no control over. I was the oldest child - there were very few people I hung around that were the oldest. Some people argue that this has no merit - but I firmly believe in the birth order issues. Some first born children are the screw ups while others are the mature, responsible ones. I definitely am the latter of the 2. I just have always had a more mature outlook on life and was ridiculously responsible from a very young age (probably annoyingly so).
I was never in to fashion - I just am a plain Jane person I guess. I like clothes to last and not be in for just one season. I buy good clothes that just never seem to go out of style - at least for dress clothes anyway. This I can control - but I just like the way I am and like that I can wear certain pieces for many years - until they wear out. Plus - I just really can't pull off many things - so I just try to go unnoticed.
I didn't go away to college - just wasn't in the cards for me - and probably what sets me apart from most people. I got my degrees just a few years ago compared to many that have had degrees since their early 20's.
I had kids way before most of the people I knew my age. This just puts everyone in a different place in life when you have kids at different times.
We only really had one couple that we did things with. They live far away and we didn't see them often - but always tried to get together once per year. I'm sad that I probably won't see them again :(
I always work too far away from my house to really be friends with people I work with. All the people that are good friends at my current job live close and just have hung out for years. They all love me at least - just not in the hang out type of way.
I've always been pretty weird I guess. I've met much weirder people though. I think I'm in world all my own....I just need to be ok with that.
Maybe the problem is the need to feel like you have to fit in. Why do I feel that way? Shouldn't I just be able to be who I am and just know that is enough? I wish I knew why so I wouldn't have to make my kids feel like they need to fit in.
I actually don't think Malea feels like she has to at this point. She's also a bookworm and doesn't seem to care. She actually loves that people think it is weird that she reads so much. Sometimes I have to bring her down to reality and tell her she needs to watch it. She sounds a little conceited sometimes.
It is too early to tell with Keagan. So far - he just knows it isn't good to be hanging out with the bad kids. I'm good with that for now ;)
Being happy with who you are is such a tough thing.....
I am a wife and mother of 2. I have many different interests - baking, home renovations, music, education ;)