I've been facing a real fear lately and it is becoming very debilitating. Malea wasn't feeling well today and I had to leave her home. I gave her a few hours and then tried to contact her. I tried for 2 hours and couldn't get her to answer the home phone or the many times I tried Facetime to her ipad. She never answered. I made the decision to drive the 40 minutes home from work to check on her.
She was fine - she was sleeping. She's a heavy sleeper and the phone doesn't wake her up (not much does). This is like the 5th time I've completely flipped out when I couldn't contact her.
I'm so afraid that something is going to happen to her. She has been doing better - really trying to do better in many areas as well. I just keep worrying that she's become really good at hiding and really isn't doing better.
I blame myself for not knowing there was something wrong that night of May 18, 2014. It didn't concern me that he had not called me back - Sundays were usually very busy for him at work. I just went about my night with not a worry in my mind about him because I thought he was safe at work. That whole time - he was dead. I just can't get past that and do not trust myself any longer. I try to tell myself that Malea is just sleeping and that she's fine - but the rest of me makes my head not believe that and I have to rush home to check on her.
This can't be healthy - but I don't know what I can do. I know that I will not be ok if something happens to either of my kids. They really get me through each day.
I am a wife and mother of 2. I have many different interests - baking, home renovations, music, education ;)