Every time I think I move forward and Malea moves forward - something pops up. Grief is a horrible thing, but really that isn't even part of this issue. It just makes us feel things more deeply.
For many years I struggled with the fact that people don't care about me. I have a few people that do - and I have a lot of people that I have wanted to keep in contact with. If I want it - it is all me. If I don't reach out - I don't hear from them. It gets tiring being the only one that reaches out.
Guess what? - I really am over that. I stopped trying about a year ago. I was tired of feeling sad as to why people didn't want anything to do with me. Now it is because I was sad over losing Dave I am sure. However - it was before he died that it was just as bad. I had him though and he was all that mattered. I worried about my kids all the time - because I felt the same way about them. He felt the same way. Dave always said that they had us and that was all that mattered. Having me be the only one now - really does suck.
This was a big discussion with Malea last night. She is now realizing this. She thinks if she were to die - absolutely nobody would care (except me). Do you know how that made me feel? It really sucks. You know what sucks even more - I can't tell her any different. It is sad that in some ways she really has pushed people away. She's made it kind of difficult to get to know her. She's actually doing really well now. She has some really good friends. She's so scared that I'm the only one that cares though. I know James would be there for her and I told her that. She is scared to let anyone in - because nobody stays :(
I have lots of family - they love us and I know they care. People are just busy with their own lives. I finally realize this and really try to be aware of it. The truth is - if you really want to be in someone's life - you will make time. I know that is true and I really suck lately especially with trying to make time for some people. I get people being busy - I'm one of the busiest people I know. If I am invited to something - I try to make it work.
I don't want anyone saying that they care - I know people will say that. I just want people to think about it. We really are doing very well. As a family we are doing awesome. Things are going well and we have lots of really happy days. Some days we just get beat down and well we'll get back up. I just wish this wasn't reality. I'd love to hear from anyone else in the same boat and how you work it out.
I am a wife and mother of 2. I have many different interests - baking, home renovations, music, education ;)