I was talking with someone yesterday and have come to realization a while ago. It is amazing to me how there are so many different types of single parents. There are those that are divorced, those that have just always been single parents and those, like me, that have lost the love of their life and father of their child.
I feel that those that are single parents from day 1 have either pity or tons of help. It likely depends on the decisions they have made up to the point of the birth of the child. Sometimes the birth of the child leads to a much better life than they path they were going down when they got pregnant. Sometimes the birth of the child brings about a lot of support and improves the life of the parent. Other times - that poor child is always treated as a burden :( I see all kinds of parents and many kids suffer and they couldn't help what they were born in to :(
Divorced parents generally have the most support from what I've seen. Sometimes there is so much fighting before the divorce that the life of the children is so much better living at the two different houses. Unfortunately sometimes one of these parents just disappears and doesn't bother to see the children :( This pains me - I don't understand how you can be part of a child's life and just go away and never come back. I understand that sometimes the other parent can be a problem - but fight for your kids! They are worth it! I do feel that divorced parents have lots of support and resources available to them. It is so common and while that is sad - everyone knows someone that is divorced. It is always hard for the children. They have to go through change and they have to learn to how to side with the parent they are with. Sometimes they have to learn to pretend the other parent doesn't exist - sad - but it does happen when they are with the other parent. My biggest wish for divorced parents - or really any parent - is to not bash the other parent. At one time you liked the person - or you wouldn't have made a child. Please don't use the child as a pawn - encourage them to be the best they can be. Spend time with them - take them to the park, have a picnic, camp out in the living room. Show them that you are there for them despite the other problems and pain in your life.
Then there are those like me. We have such a struggle. We are going through so much pain and so are our children. There are some that just can't function and they have to rely on others to pick up the slack. I was not ok with being that person and I've done everything I can to make sure my kids know that I'm there for them. I try to push them to be the best they can be. It is very difficult to preach this when I don't believe it about myself - but I still try to put my all in to everything that I do. There isn't a lot of support available - even though it happens much more than I was ever aware of. There aren't a lot of people that understand our situation. They don't know what to say to you. With a divorce or even the single parent - there is plenty of bashing of the parent that isn't present. I would punch someone in the nose if they ever bashed Dave. I don't understand why it is so hard to talk to widows. You may not understand or be able to relate - but we are still people. We are still a parent and most of us still work. Many parts of my life are still the same.
I have not mentioned the financial aspect in any of the situations above. Finances definitely play a factor in everything. It doesn't matter your situation - financial problems will always cause extra stress. My point in this wasn't regarding finances. Most of what I mentioned doesn't require money. You can have a relationship with your child without money. Some of it is all about attitude. I know my attitude still sucks about many things - but in some other instances I have just chosen to push on and do everything I possibly could. I read and research so much to look at other options and see what works and doesn't for other people...and then I try to see if it will work for me.
People are much more likely to date a divorced person over a widow. From what I have heard - it is pretty much impossible to date as a widow. I certainly don't want to be alone forever - but I'm thinking I probably will be. Maybe it is because we have our kids all the time and we'll always love the person we were with. It seems that those I've seen that have found love are really pretty - and we know I don't have that going for me. I can cook and go above and beyond to make sure everyone is taken care of - but that is not really something you can advertise just by walking around;) I hope my kids get married and have kids so that once I have no kids at home - I'll still be able to contribute something to the world.
I am a wife and mother of 2. I have many different interests - baking, home renovations, music, education ;)