I've been struggling with an issue for a while. I just don't know what to do any longer. It involves my Mother-in-Law.
We have always had issues - but I've always been very civil and I do love her. I've never really felt like a true member of the family and always walk on eggshells around her. She doesn't really know me very well - but I don't think she despises me. I can deal with her disapproval of me and some of the things I do - but I'm really struggling when it comes to my kids.
Dave was always the buffer. If something was really going on - he would talk to her. I don't know how it always went - but he would just tell her. He didn't care if she got mad at him. He was much better dealing with people. With me being the people pleaser that I am - this is so incredibly difficult for me and becoming increasingly harder.
Things have been increasingly more difficult all around since Dave isn't here. Malea wants basically nothing to do with that side of the family (apart from Dave's siblings and his Dad's side of the family). She has very good reasons. She still wants a relationship with her Grandma - but at a distance. My MIL doesn't really know how to relate to Malea at all. I can just tell that she disapproves of basically everything that I'm doing regarding her. At the request of the therapist - I sent a letter to my MIL and asked her not to discuss her side of the family with us or ask us to go visit. That apparently was ignored and hasn't really improved. I was just asked to go down there last weekend. Luckily I had a good excuse (as I usually do) but she will never understand that her family was so vile and rude to Dave and it is very hard for us to deal with and just ignore.
The biggest issue is how she is with Keagan. She has never treated him well in my opinion. He's always been a handful. He just has so much energy and she doesn't know how to deal with that any longer. Just yesterday she wanted to read to him and he wasn't cooperating. I made him sit and listen - but it involved him putting tape over his mouth (I did not suggest this) so that he didn't talk. She wants him to sit there and not move. He has never really done that. He loves to be read to - but he always has to be moving around. I know that he is good in school - but it takes so much for him to be good in school - that I don't make him be like that at home. There are times that I require it - but not all the time. I know he listens to the stories - and when we read together - he sits and reads very well. He is the point that he really wants nothing to do with her. He gets angry anytime we stop over and tries to hide - or refuses to get out of the car. I try my best to get him to interact - but he really doesn't want to. Generally the only way I get him to get out of the car is to bribe him with something later. She doesn't see him often - always has trouble understanding him (he speaks perfectly fine and has since he was like 2). His 2 cousins listen well and sit and do whatever she says. I can't help that Keagan is not like them. He never will be - he's his own person. Most of the time I love the way he is. He's funny, clever and just full of life. I do wish that he would sit still more often - but I know he does when it is necessary (most of the time).
I'm just at a loss. This is really hurting me and I feel like I'm constantly losing a battle that I have no chance at winning.
I haven't had a dream involving Dave is a long time - probably over a year. Last night I had a dream and we discussed this issue. There were some other strange things about the dream - but he totally agreed with me and told me I was doing the right thing. Is that a sign? Did I dream that hoping he'd agree with me. I have no idea.....
I am a wife and mother of 2. I have many different interests - baking, home renovations, music, education ;)