I've been watching the show Chasing Life for a while - I think this is the 3rd season. It was really sad at first since it is about girl that has cancer. I related to some of what she was going through as she was grieving for the life she didn't think she would have. She decided to try living in the moment - which I didn't understand - because I haven't felt that life is worth living for the most part.
Now....she got married this season to a fellow cancer patient. He was better while she was still sick and looking for a new trial to get in. Well - he just died - out of the blue - in his sleep. She's going through all of these emotions. It is really interesting to watch. I'm sure people are watching it thinking she's crazy - I can't believe she's acting like that. I'm sure people have said that about me.
She thought she was going to be the one to die - and then he dies. I never really thought Dave would outlive me - he was older than me - and with his family tending to not live super long - I just thought I'd outlive him. I didn't want to - but thought I would. I never thought he would die at 39. I never thought I'd have to raise this kids all by myself and figure all of this stuff out that I have no clue about.
She said - I don't have a future without him. I've said that so many times. Then she said - I don't want a future without him. That is definitely me. No matter how much fun I have - or how I try to improve my life - I'm still nothing without him - I have no future for myself. Nobody there to hug me and tell me how proud they are of me.
At the funeral - she kept having people come to her and say what a good guy he was. I had so much of that - and it made me angry as well. Many people came and didn't even say anything to me - or they asked how they could help and then never followed up. They don't address that in the show - she had lots of people that were there for her - and she didn't have a job or people depending on her.
I don't want to discredit the people that have been there for me. My family has been very supportive and I know they don't know how to react to me. There are some people that think I should be totally normal. Some work people think that not only should I be fine - my kids should be totally fine and they are shocked when they are sick. It is just frustrating.
Malea is doing a lot better and is very excited to take French this year. She's not really looking forward to anything else about school - but we met the teachers last night and they all seem pretty cool.
Keagan has decided that he's very shy lately. It is kind of annoying since he isn't shy. Maybe going back to school will help that?
So not looking forward to mornings before school - but I'm trying to be optimistic that we can come up with a plan!
I am a wife and mother of 2. I have many different interests - baking, home renovations, music, education ;)