I'm at a breaking point I think. I'm just completely overwhelmed. I had an hour per week where I didn't have the kids at night (AWANA) and that has come to an end. I love them - but having that hour of no fighting was such a nice thing for me.
I had the opportunity for the first time in a long time to do something with Malea today - but she doesn't feel good and we couldn't go anywhere. I doubt it will come up again - so that stinks. It has been a long time since I've been able to do something with her. Keagan and I have plenty of opportunities to do things - we just went to see Home together on Thursday since Malea was working on a project with a classmate. I just feel like I'm neglecting her. I know she doesn't blame me - she understands - but I still feel bad. I don't want her to blame Keagan either. It certainly isn't his fault.
I'm so overwhelmed with this house. I just don't have enough time to get everything done that I need to. I have accomplished a lot - but I just am not where I wanted to be. I just really wanted to have it on the market before June - and I'll be lucky at this point to have it on the market in July. The bathrooms are just way more time consuming that I thought. The other rooms haven't been that bad. I think I'm on week 3 of just working on bathroom #1. Bathroom #2 will be even more work:( I wouldn't be where I am without my Mom - she's been a great help. My Dad has been there to help as well - but I hate asking either of them since this isn't their project - it is mine. I was supposed to have a partner in this - but something happened and I don't have that person to help.
I'm so frustrated at my inability/lack of time/lack of motivation to work out. It certainly doesn't help that pretty much every time I look at myself I'm completely disgusted.
I keep trying to find the positive - I still have my house, my kids are somewhat healthy, I don't have car problems....It is just really hard lately to focus on the positive.
I guess at least things aren't getting worse - just more lonely and sadder. I don't see how I'll ever be truly happy again. Sure I will have days where I'm not sad all day - it just depends on the week.
I keep reading about people that seem to have so much positivity and I just can't get there :(
I am a wife and mother of 2. I have many different interests - baking, home renovations, music, education ;)