My second house is coming along so well. The first bathroom is so close to being finished - I just have to build the laundry shoot and the shelves above that now and put the backsplash in. I have to paint/install trim in the original bedrooms, paint 1 ceiling and paint the doors and those 3 rooms will be done. The living room and dining room just need trim and window treatments. The kitchen needs trim and a backsplash. I have half of the floor in the master bath done, need to install one more piece of drywall and finish tiling the shower. I think I could possibly be done with that this week depending on the plans. Then I can finish the floor in the bedroom (currently the bathroom sink is preventing me from doing that.
My Mom picked up a few things at the YFC auction last night - so I'm hoping to get those in there and make a few things look a little homier. I currently have my outdoor furniture in the living room. It is super comfy furniture - so I like it there and doesn't look completely awful in there. I wasn't using it at my house anyway since the cats won't stay out of my yard.
With Labor Day giving me 3.5 solid days of work - or maybe 2.5 since I have to do some back to school shopping in there - I should get quite a bit done and be very close!
I still have some outside work that I'm not looking forward to - but nothing major.
I'm a little sad that I'm almost done. I've really come to love this house. I love the setup and lots of the stuff that I've done in it. I am very worried that nobody will love it like I do though and I won't be able to sell it. I certainly don't need 2 houses. I told the kids last night - that if it didn't sell in a few months - I would get our house ready to list and we'd just live in whatever one didn't sell.
I really don't want to not own my house - but would like to move somewhere else. I really don't want to leave the memories - but Dave never wanted us to live there for the rest of our lives. Sometimes I look around and see everything that he hated. Sometimes I look around and see the love that was there - that isn't there anymore. I do have a lot of work to do in my house - but I think that I can handle most of it on my own.
Of course I don't know where I want to live or what I want to do with the rest of my life :( I'll have to figure that out if either house sells I suppose. Obviously my life is out of my hands - so I just have to try to learn to go with the flow.
I wish that Malea would have brought up the idea of moving elsewhere before August. She had never mentioned that before. I had mentioned to her last year that I wanted to revisit it in the Spring - but I was in the middle of working on the house and I couldn't think about it then.
I've been thinking about it more and more. I've recently been told that I'm very childish in many ways - so moving away probably fits the mold. Oh well....call me whatever you wish. I'm an adult and my kids are well taken care of - so if you think I'm childish - well boo freaking hoo..
I'm trying to decide where I want to go and what I want to do. If I could move somewhere that isn't really expensive - maybe I could just work part time and find a house to remodel there as well. I just don't know. Moving to a place I don't know sounds really scary - but so much less stressful.
As long as the kids and I have each other - I think that would be wonderful.
I'd miss some people here and would feel bad not seeing some people grow up. I would feel really selfish about that - but my current situation is not healthy :(
I know that I'm not the only one with these issues - parents struggle with issues like this all the time. I'm just whining I suppose.
I need to go out of town for work in September. We have 2 conference per year and this one used to be in Kalamazoo, so it wasn't an issue then. Last year I skipped it as there was no way I could work it out. This year it is Thursday and Friday - and I really should probably go up Wednesday night since it is 3 hours away and starts at 8. I really missed out with not attending this conference last year - but I just don't know how I'm going to be able to go. My kids can't stay home alone and Malea has her first session back of gymnastics on that Thursday night :(
I need to take Malea out for a girl's night - but I need to figure out where to take Keagan. Both Grandma's have watched both of my kids a lot this summer and I don't want to burden them with watching him again. He's a pretty cool kid to hang out with ;) I really need to make a better effort to find someone locally. Malea deserves to have me sometimes. Keagan gets me plenty since Malea tends to do her own thing a lot of the time. I just would like to do back to school shopping with her without dragging Keagan along. They fight the whole time and he gets bored with how long it takes her to try clothes on.
Next weekend we are going to Michigan's Adventure - which will be a nice break for us. We all need a day of fun. The house is fun for me, but tiring and sore for me as well. It isn't so much fun for the kiddos. They are glad that we are getting close to the finish. They both know I want to do more houses - and hopefully future houses don't take this long. Just hoping that this sells quickly so that I can move on to finding the next one! I'd love to find one before the end of the year - but really want to sell this one first.
Going back to school is worrying me. So many places to be and not enough time. Malea could ride the bus in the morning, but Keagan can't and he can't stay home alone. I don't want him to grow up too fast, but it will be nice once he can stay home alone - at least for before and after school purposes. We have a few more years of him not being able to though. Malea is back in gymnastics - but the time I picked shouldn't be too stressful - so happy about that. It will just make bed time very rushed those nights. I was hoping she would take up a sport this year - volleyball or tennis, but she's back to not wanting to do either of those. I'm really hoping she'll really connect with someone new this year. She really needs a good friend - an encouraging friend and someone she can occasionally do things with. I'm really hoping for that this year. It would really improve everything so much in her life! I'd love for Keagan to find some little friends to play with as well - but generally he has cousins and sees them enough to not need this as much. He's still fine with talking to me and doing stuff with me...for now. He wants to play basketball, so I need to see if they have anything like that for his age group. I haven't noticed that before.
I've come to realize I'm one of the least fun people that I know. I don't know how to be one of those people that everyone says - Hey - let's invite her because she makes everything fun. It is probably more like - we should probably invite her - her kids should come, or something along those lines. It sucks that I've become a hermit of sorts. Many people become home bodies because they just prefer to be home. I'm an introvert - so I do like to stay home. I also really enjoy going out and people watching. I'm just not much of a conversationalist. I don't know what to say, I don't speak very loudly and when I do talk - it just doesn't seem that people find me interesting.
This isn't a new thing - it has been going on my whole life. I just somehow managed to fit in to small groups here and there for the first 18 years of my life. I think part of it is the overly responsible side of me. I just can't let loose for fear that I'll still get in trouble. I'm 37 and still fear that I'll get in trouble....how silly is that? I really really care what people think of me. I guess that is probably the major issue. I guess I don't care that people don't think I'm fun....at least they don't think I'm irresponsible or question how I'll react.
The reaction lately has become a problem though. I tend to come off very cold and defensive. I don't mean to...it is just how it comes out. I do hold my projects very dear to me - especially ones that I've been working on for a while. When people question things - I automatically get defensive. I don't feel like I'm being defensive - but it always comes off that way. I guess I am trying to defend my cause, but I don't want to sound like I'm not listening to advice or opposing viewpoints.
I wish I knew how to be more fun. Fun, to me, just isn't fun to everyone else. I prefer remodeling houses, playing board games and working on my budget (seriously - so fun for me). Those things just aren't fun to a lot of people. Being responsible and boring can get you where you want sometimes to be successful - but it doesn't get you very far in the likability area. I used to feel that I was very successful - but not so much there anymore. I can't seem to find anything I'd be able to do, other than what I currently do and sell myself. I tried to be confident in an interview and I'm pretty sure I just sounded conceited and didn't get a call back :( Grr....I can't win. The future is grim and I wish I could hope for more than just the next month :(
Time Heals All Wounds is the dumbest saying ever. It is true for some things - but time will never heal my wounds. I would love for it to get better...but lately things are just going downhill. I thought we were finally heading in a good direction. I have heard that with grief that you can go forward and then end up right back at the beginning without any warning.
Today has been an awful day. I actually had a decent day at work since I had 2 meetings that went well. Of course I tried to make these changes myself 2 years ago - but I don't have much clout and it never got fully implemented. It will still end up where I wanted it to - and since some of the work is done - I just have to clean up some more and get it where it needs to be.
Malea and I have been talking more about lots of different things. She actually got a lot done in her room and I can see most of the floor!
Keagan has been very clingy and whiney lately. Yesterday he cried at every little thing. He isn't normal a big cry baby - so not sure what is up with him. I think it might be me being back at work. I can't stay home forever - as much as I'd love to do that!
I'd like to not be crying all the time again. I have other issues going on that I just don't know how to address.
Off to bed to hopefully catch up on some of the sleep I lost. I just hope I can sleep in this empty house. I can't remember the last time I had a completely empty house....so strange!
I am a wife and mother of 2. I have many different interests - baking, home renovations, music, education ;)