I read something the other day that said - even though are going through something hard - this is exactly where God wanted you to be. That was very difficult for me to read. I don't know how he wanted me to go through what I went through for the last 4 years. I would have thought with what I went through that the next season wouldn't be so difficult.
I'm guessing I'm supposed to learn some sort of lesson here. This is where my rule following really gets me. I do all the research and I check all the laws and I know what should be done. I've been a proponent of trying to get everything done the right way. However - I realize I'll never be fully involved. How I feel will never fully matter. Someone else always has their say and what they say seems to always be gospel......even though it is completely wrong.
I've raised my kids the best I could. Have I failed? In so many ways I have failed. However I think they've turned out really well. They care so much about other people. They really don't like when people are sad or upset. If they caused it that is one thing. They are also normal siblings and annoy each other based on just being siblings and 6 years apart.
I don't know how to do this. No research is helping me. I joined a step parent support group and many are in the same situation. There are always contradicting remarks and it is hard to know which ones to listen to. These people are online too so I have no idea how they are in real life and that makes it hard to listen to most of the advice.
I have so much to offer and I know how to help in so many ways. There are som things I'll never be able to help with - but there really are some things that I could help with. I just know I'll never be enough. I know this - yet I keep trying. I keep looking things up and finding out ways to try to help. Then I get super upset because what I say doesn't matter. I need to learn to not care. So many suggest this Nacho Kids way of life. The basic premise is that they aren't your kids - you didn't raise them and you can't fix them. I have a hard time with this. The main reason is that they all live in my house - they all have to grow up together. We still have at least 3 years of all of us together. With having a 9 year old - he's the youngest and he watches everything. I will not let him get away with some of the behaviors that I've seen in many kids these days. Some people feel that I let him get away with a lot - but I truly don't. He's had to endure a lot in his little life. I choose my battles with him. I refuse to be mad at him or yelling at him all the time. I want him to love me and know that I love him and want the best for him.
I don't even know what I want to say - I'm just venting and really struggling. I've limited the audience to this - because there are definitely people I don't want reading this.
I am a wife and mother of 2. I have many different interests - baking, home renovations, music, education ;)