They say that grief can come in bursts and I had not experienced that until recently. Not that this whole thing hasn't all been recent - but I had been managing. I have no idea why the last 2 weeks have been so tough.
Last week was tough for me, but this week has been tough for Malea, which has made it another tough week for me. Up until now she has just put on a brave face - I was really worried that she was in denial. I did notice she wouldn't look at pictures or anything really that was his. I started letting Keagan wear some of Dave's shirts to bed. They were his older shirts that I won't wear and wouldn't be donated if I ever chose to get rid of anything of his. Malea was kind of irritated by that - she never really told me why though. He really liked wearing them and I didn't see any harm in that.
This week she said that something was brought up in 2 classes that made her cry. She was able to get out of one and go to the bathroom. I was honestly glad to see her cry. She's always been fairly emotional (can't imagine where she gets that from) so not crying has really concerned me.
I finally was able to get her to talk about it. She said she has a few new friends and she doesn't want them to know. I have never said anything to her teachers either, and do not plan to unless it is necessary at this point - or maybe conferences if needed. She said she doesn't like pity and she doesn't want people to pity her. I told her that I understood that. I either get pity or avoidance - so totally makes sense.
I have no idea what it is like to lose a Dad and never really had anyone close to me lose a parent growing up. I hardly even had any friends that had divorced parents. Most of the people I knew that passed away were either old or already sick - and I'd only known them that way. There are many times that it will totally suck for her - and I feel like I can't help - they will be hard for me as well. Every time I think about that it overwhelms me. They were so lucky to have the most amazing Dad. He was even teased about how much time he spent with his kids. He loved that - he loved always being there for them and going to all of their events. Even with his stupid work and their demanding hours - he went to as much as he could. He'd even make it to the parent teacher conferences. He was just invested. I just hope they can always remember that.
I'm attending a wedding reception this weekend. I'm so happy for my cousin - she found a pretty great guy. I'm a little nervous at how difficult it may be - it has been over 15 years since I have attended a wedding alone.
I am a wife and mother of 2. I have many different interests - baking, home renovations, music, education ;)