I've read a lot about grief and many things have said that the second year is harder. It freaked me out since the first year completely sucked. They said that the fog goes away and everything is clearer and hits you harder the second year. I wouldn't say I was in a fog the first year. I try to make sure I think clearly and weigh my options - even in the first year. I also put off some things until after the first year was over - just in case.
I definitely think the second year is harder - but I think it will continue to be this hard every year from now on. The part that I'm struggling with the most is that I'm the only one that seems to want to remember him :( It is so hard to celebrate someone for so many years and then poof - he's gone - so nobody cares anymore. This may not be the case - but it definitely feels like that to me. It scares me....makes me realize that no matter how hard we work or try to make our mark - it doesn't really matter. Nobody remembers you anyway.
Until Dave - my closest death was pretty major and unexpected. My uncle, aunt and cousin died in a fire. It was devastating - and while I didn't see them more than a couple of times per year - they were very much a part of all of our family functions. Things certainly haven't been the same. Things are certainly different without them around. We missed our first Christmas this past year - wasn't even planned. With them - I'm confident we'd still get together frequently - way more than we have the last few years. I think they would all be sad how far apart everyone has become.
Without Dave around - there is so much less light and laughter. If Keagan weren't around - I think there would be no light or laughter. Malea continues to be in a dark place and Keagan doesn't help bring her out. She does manage to be in the same room as us more often - but she has headphones in 99% of the time so she isn't aware of anything going on.
I knew July would be hard and it certainly has been. I'm hoping at least at the end of the month I'll be very close to listing my flip house. If I could just get my carpet and counters scheduled - that would help me finish up the kitchen and bedrooms.
I am a wife and mother of 2. I have many different interests - baking, home renovations, music, education ;)